


Your clothes would look better on my bedroom floor

by Lija (Vitavili)



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chatting & Messaging, Everyone Is Gay, M/M, OK not everyone, Talking, Texting, because why not, groupchat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 13:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18053474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vitavili/pseuds/Lija
Summary: Eiji added AshLynx, YourWetDream, SingSing8, YueLut, Blanca, MaxDad to the groupEiji named the group Ibe’s birthday.< Eiji 06:18 pm > hello everyone.< Eiji 06:18 pm > i created this group for Ibe’s birthday party< Eiji 06:19 pm > i want to make a surprise for him.YourWetDream changed AshLynx username to ASHUYourWetDream changed SingSing8 username to GoodBoi69YourWetDream changed YueLut username to YouSlut< Eiji 06:22 pm > Shorter, what are you doing< YourWetDream 6:22 pm > making orderIn which Shorter is a Love Guru, Sing and Yue pretend that there is nothing going on between them, Ash and Eiji (too pure) being loving and gay, Max doesn't understand what's going on and Blanca learns how to use his phone. Everyone is just super extra





	1. Party????

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fujoshi_haru_chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fujoshi_haru_chan/gifts).



> This is my first non angsty fic. Which I will write just with the right mood. Nothing more than a shit talk  
> you don't even want to read this. believe me.  
> yes, the name of the fic is totally random
> 
> Enjoy. not.
> 
> oh and whatever happens to this fic, it's a gift to one of my readers. Thank u for everything, girl. hope u like this super extra thing. Because u are extra and i love it.

_**Eiji** added **AshLynx** , **YourWetDream** , **SingSing8** , **YueLut** , **Blanca** , **MaxDad** to the group_

_**Eiji** named the group **Ibe’s birthday**._

<Eiji 06:18 pm> hello everyone.

<Eiji 06:18 pm> i created this group for Ibe’s birthday party

<Eiji 06:19 pm> i want to make a surprise for him.

_**YourWetDream** changed **AshLynx** username to **ASHU**_

_**YourWetDream** changed **SingSing8** username to **GoodBoi69**_

_**YourWetDream** changed **YueLut** username to **YouSlut**_

<Eiji 06:22 pm> Shorter, what are you doing

<YourWetDream 6:22 pm> making order

<YourWetDream 6:22 pm> is Max’s actual username is MaxDad

<YourWetDream 6:22 pm> ????

<YourWetDream 6:22 pm> I love it

<YourWetDream 6:23 pm> lmaooooo

<Eiji 06:23 pm> this is serious conversation

_**YourWetDream** changed **Eiji** username to **PrincessJP**_

<ASHU 06:24 pm> what’s going on here?

<ASHU 06:24 pm> Eiji where r u?

<PrincessJP 06:25 pm> on my way back home

<PrincessJP 06:25 pm> i was a coffee with Ibe

<YourWetDream 06:25 pm> YOU ARE A COFFEE???

<YourWetDream 06:26 pm> I bet latte

<YourWetDream 06:26 pm>Ash’s fav

<PrincessJP 06:26 pm> for a coffee*

<ASHU 06:26 pm> I am coming meet u

<Eiji 06:26 pm>I am near the supermarket

<GoodBoi69 06:30 pm> Ibe’s birthday is coming?

<GoodBoi69 06:30 pm> and why I am GoodBoi?

<YourWetDream 06:31 pm> GoodBoi 69

<YourWetDream 6:31 pm>last part is important

<GoodBoi69 06:31 pm>Shorter is that u?

<GoodBoi69 06:31 pm>y i don’t we never talk on this app?

<YourWetDream 06:32 pm> idk man

<YourWetDream 06:32 pm> cause we see each other often

<GoodBoi69 06:33 pm>i could be with u 24/7

<YourWetDream 06:33 pm> is that a confession?

<YourWetDream 06:33 pm> sorry I already have other half

<GoodBoi69 06:34 pm> who?

<YourWetDream 06:34 pm> me

<YouSlut 06:34 pm> wtf

<YouSlut 06:34 pm> wtffffff

<YouSlut 06:35 pm> why I am even in this chat?

<YouSlut 06:35 pm>I don’t wanna have anything to do with this

_**YouSlut** left the group_

_**YourWetDream** added **YueLut** to the group_

<YueLut 06:37 pm>wtf stop

_**YueLut** left the group_

_**YourWetDream** added **YueLut** to the group_

<YourWetDream 06:38>don’t be such drama queen

_**YueLut** left the group_

_**YourWetDream** added **YueLut** to the groupchat_

<PrincessJP 06:40 pm>Yut-Lung, please stay. It’s for Ibe’s party.

<YueLut 06:41 pm> I don’t even know him that well

<PrincessJP 06:41 pm> I know

<PrincessJP 06:41 pm> but u could help with sing

<ASHU 06:41 pm>don’t make Eiji sad

<ASHU 06:42 pm>or I will cut you bold

<YourWetDream 06:42 pm> *takes popcorn*

<PrincessJP 06:42 pm> ash stop

<PrincessJP 06:42 pm> u will scare him away

<ASHU 06:43 pm> even better

<ASHU 06:43 pm> where r u btw

<ASHU 06:44 pm> nvm, I can see u

<YueLut 06:45 pm> Sing is also a part of this nonsense?

<GoodBoi69 06:45 pm> sup

<GoodBoi69 06:45 pm> looks fun

<GoodBoi69 06:45 pm> come on, YueYue

<YourWetDream 06:46 pm> Yeah YueYue

<YourWetDream 06:46 pm> lmaooooooo

<YueLut 06:46 pm> well if u say so

<YueLut 06:46 pm> it was for Sing, not for u idiot

<YourWetDream 06:47 pm> very well

_**YourWetDream** changed **YueLut** username to **You_Sing’s_Slut**_

<GoodBoi69 06:50 pm> shorter!!!

<GoodBoi69 06:50 pm> it’s not like that

<YourWetDream 06:51 pm> shhhh hun

<YourWetDream 06:51 pm> leave it to me

<YourWetDream 06:51 pm> i am love guru

_**YourWetDream** changed username to **LoveGuru**_

<MaxDad 06:54 pm> hello everyone

<MaxDad 06:55 pm> Ibe’s birthday?

<MaxDad 06:57 pm> what plans?

<MaxDad 06:59 pm> sorry, I am writing slow

<LoveGuru 07:00 pm> I don’t have anyone to ship u with

<MaxDad 07:02 pm> ship? What do you mean

<LoveGuru 07:02 pm> lol

<LoveGuru 07:02 pm> but I like your name. so leave it like that

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:03 pm> stop spamming, idiot

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:03 pm> its annoying

<LoveGuru 07:03 pm> your face is annoying

_**PrincessJP** shared a photo_

<PrincessJP 07:05 pm> Ash bought me hotdog! I will write details about my idea for the party when we come back home!

<GoodBoi69 07:05 pm> owwww

<GoodBoi69 07:05 pm> you look good, guys

<LoveGuru 07:05 pm>hey I also want hotdog!

<ASHU 07:06 pm> dream on

<LoveGuru 07:06 pm> I am your best friend!

<ASHU 07:06 pm> my best nightmare

<PrincessJP 07:06 pm> thanks, Sing!

<PrincessJP 07:06 pm> okay, Shorter, I will buy u one

<LoveGuru 07:07 pm> I LOVE YOU EIJI!!!!

_**LoveGuru** shared a photo_

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:08 pm> OMG MY EYES

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> THAT’S FUCKING GROSS

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> I

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> NEED

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm>TO

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm>SCROLL

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm>THIS

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> DIGUSTING

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> You

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> are

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> a

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> trash

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:09 pm> shorter

<ASHU 07:10 pm> Shorter, why your solo photo

<ASHU 07:10 pm> Looks even gayer

<ASHU 07:11 pm> than mine and Eiji’s

<LoveGuru 07:11 pm> bro

<LoveGuru 07:11 pm> mybro

<LoveGuru 07:11 pm> I am perfect

<ASHU 07:12 pm> of course

<ASHU 07:12 pm> in my ass

<LoveGuru 07:13 pm> muah muah

<MaxDad 07:14 pm> what did I miss? Where is the party?

<PrincessJP 07:15 pm>we still haven’t talked about that

<PrincessJP 07:15 pm>we need to make to do list for everyone

<PrincessJP 07:16 pm> it will be easier

<LoveGuru 07:16 pm> I know Ash’s to do list

<PrincessJP 07:16 pm> if we have our tasks

<LoveGuru 07:17 pm> it contains just one word

<PrincessJP 07:17 pm> Shorter, please don’t. let me finish…

<LoveGuru 07:17 pm> Eiji.

<PrincessJP 07:18 pm> What, Shorter?

<LoveGuru 07:18 pm> lmao

<LoveGuru 07:18 pm> I mean

<LoveGuru 07:18 pm> Ash’s to do list is made just from one word: Eiji.

<PrincessJP 07:20 pm> ha ha ha ha. I am the one making Ash’s list after all

<LoveGuru 07:20 pm> O__O

<LoveGuru 07:21 pm> eiji, you dirty boy~~~

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:22 pm> I can’t do it anymore

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:22 pm> this chat is toxic

<Your_Sing’s_Slut 07:22 pm> for my pretty eyes

<GoodBoi69 07:23 pm> keep your pretty eyes on me

<ASHU 07:23 pm> what

<LoveGuru 07:23 pm> what

<GoodBoi69 07:24 pm> what what

<GoodBoi69 07:25 pm> OH MY GOD. I THOUGHT I WROTE THIS AS PRIVATE MESSEGE

<GoodBoi69 07:26 pm> what an embarrassment

<GoodBoi69 07:26 pm> I am sorry, Shorter

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:26 pm> why you apologizing to that idiot!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:26 pm> the message was about me!

<GoodBoi69 07:27 pm>babe

<GoodBoi69 07:28 pm> I mean! Wait.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 07:28 pm> ….

<ASHU 07:30 pm>should I call the police?

<LoveGuru 07:30 pm> I don’t think that’s a good idea bro

<LoveGuru 07:30 pm> they will pack u first

<LoveGuru 07:31 pm> as a christmas present

<LoveGuru 07:31 pm>and it’s not even christmas

<LoveGuru 07:31 pm> it’s still xxx days till Christmas

<PrincessJP 07:32 pm> do you actually count?

<LoveGuru 07:32 pm> ofc

<LoveGuru 07:32 pm> Ash, what u will get for me this year

<ASHU 07:32 pm> idk

<ASHU 07:32 pm> Nothing?

<LoveGuru 07:33 pm> :ooooooooooooooooo

<LoveGuru 07:33 pm> :’(

<LoveGuru 07:33 pm> but Eiji’s gonna buy me something

<LoveGuru 07:33 pm> right?

<PrincessJP 07:34 pm> of course I will

<ASHU 07:34 pm> You spoil him too much

<LoveGuru 07:34 pm> ‘cause Eiji loves me the most!

<ASHU 07:34 pm> mhm

<ASHU 07:35 pm> but somehow he is on mine to do list, not yours

<LoveGuru 07:35 pm> who knows ;)))))

<ASHU 07:36 pm> have you ever tried stick ur head in the ass

<LoveGuru 07:36 pm>  are you asking from experience?

<ASHU 07:36 pm> I probably know on who I want to try this

<MaxDad 07:36 pm> where is the party????

<PrincessJP 07:37 pm> we still haven’t talked about that

<LoveGuru 07:37 pm> Max, why your username is like this?

<MaxDad 07:39 pm> because my name is Max and I have a son.

<MaxDad 07:42 pm> just Max was already taken

<LoveGuru 07:42 pm> OMG lmaolmaolmaolamo

<LoveGuru 07:43 pm> I am dying

<LoveGuru 07:43 pm>ufffff

<LoveGuru 07:44 pm>u wanna say

<LoveGuru 07:44 pm> that there was no naughty intention???

<MaxDad 07:46 pm> what? what do you mean?

<LoveGuru 07:46 pm>like MaxDaddy you know lolololol

<MaxDad 07:49 pm> I don’t understand. Is this a joke?

<MaxDad 08:06 pm> hey!

<MaxDad 08:29 pm> where is the party?

<PrincessJP 08:30 pm> oh right! Sorry!

_**PrincessJP** send a voice message_

*Hello everyone again! So, as I said, this chat is for Ibe’s birthday party surprise. Probably we are going to do it at our place. But we need to decide the theme and then we will decide who will be responsible for what. Is that okay? I am very thankful that you all agreed to participate. *

<LoveGuru 08:31 pm> hear me out

<ASHU 08:31 pm> why I have a bad feeling about this

<LoveGuru 08:32 pm> Pumpkin Planet

<PrincessJP 08:32 pm> Hm… thanks for the suggestion, but it’s not Halloween

<ASHU 08:33 pm> There won’t be any pumpkins, or this is not happening at my place

<LoveGuru 08:34 pm> Pumpkin cake

<LoveGuru 08:34 pm>Pumpkin juice

<LoveGuru 08:34 pm>Pumpkin cookies

<LoveGuru 08:35 pm> can I be responsible for the menu

<PrincessJP 08:35 pm> if you want…

<ASHU 08:36 pm>wtf Eiji NO

<PrincessJP 08:36 pm> don’t wtf on me Ash

<PrincessJP 08:37 pm> and get out from the toilet

<PrincessJP 08:37 pm> I can hear you watching memes

<LoveGuru 08:38 pm> lol

<LoveGuru 08:39 pm> bros think alike

<PrincessJP 08:40 pm> do you also watch memes in the toilet, Shorter?

<LoveGuru 08:40 pm> where else?

<GoodBoi69 08:40 pm> how about a pizza party? I have a pizza costume from my part-time job

<ASHU 08:41 pm> you have part-time?

<GoodBoi69 08:41 pm> how else I suppose to pay for Shorter’s Happy Meal every Sunday?

<LoveGuru 08:41 pm>new toys collection is coming this week btw

<ASHU 08:41 pm> r u serious now?

<LoveGuru 08:41 pm> serious as Eiji’s ass for your eyes

<ASHU 08:42 pm> oh. That much?

<PrincessJP 08:43 pm> Please leave my ass out of this conversation!!

<PrincessJP 08:43 pm> or I will get mad.

_**LoveGuru** shared a photo_

<You_Sing’s_Slut 08:43 pm> what a kitty!! it’s yours?

<LoveGuru 08:44 pm> no. It’s a photo of Eiji when he is mad.

<LoveGuru 08:45 pm>so technically this kitty is Ash’s.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 08:45 pm> Ewwwww… gross.

<PrincessJP 08:46 pm> comeee ooon… I am serious here. I am logging off now. And tomorrow in the morning I want to find many ideas about the PARTY. AND ONLY PARTY.

<ASHU 08:50 pm> well thank you. now Eiji is upset

<LoveGuru 08:51 pm> oooofff

<LoveGuru 08:51 pm> somebody won’t get woohoo tonight

<ASHU 08:51 pm> you better lock your door tonight, or somebody will wake up tomorrow without pee pee

<LoveGuru 08:52 pm> scary.

<LoveGuru 08:53 pm> wait. I am coming to your room.

<LoveGuru 08:53 pm> I will cheer eiji up

<ASHU 08:54 pm> don’t

<ASHU 08:55 pm> you will turn our peaceful evening

<ASHU 08:55 pm> into a swinger party

<LoveGuru 08:56 pm> ASH. I AM SHOOK. You know this kind of thing???

<ASHU 08:56 pm> who do u think i am. a kid?

<ASHU 08:56 pm> and don’t come!

<LoveGuru 08:57 pm> coming!

<GoodBoi69 09:01 pm> but how about my idea of pizza party?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 09:03 pm> I love it.

<GoodBoi69 09:03 pm> can I call you again?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 09:03 pm> sure

<MaxDad 10:30 pm> so where is the party?

<MaxDad 10:35 pm> did anyone said swinger party?

<Blanca 11:01 pm> HELLO

<Blanca 11:10 pm> WHAT IS THIS

<Blanca 11:20 pm> WHO IS DOING PORN PARTY

<Blanca 11:56 pm> HOW TO TURN OFF SHOUTING LETTERS

<LoveGuru 12:50 am> omg lololol

 

_**LoveGuru** renamed the group to **Swinger party**_

 


	2. BLANCA.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> < LoveGuru 12:29 pm > Is your name WiFi?
> 
> < BabyEiji 12:29 pm > What? My name is Eiji.
> 
> < LoveGuru 12:31 pm > Because I can feel a connection between us.
> 
> < BabyEiji 12:33 pm > I can also feel the connection between us! You are a really good friend, Shorter!

<PrincessJP 9:10 am> I am impressed

<PrincessJP 9:10 am> so many suggestions

<PrincessJP 9:10 am> how will I pick?

<PrincessJP 9:11 am> I won’t even read last evening’s chat!

<LoveGuru 9:11 am> *sniff sniff*

<LoveGuru 9:11 am> what is this?

<LoveGuru 9:11 am> sarcasm?

<PrincessJP 9:12 am> Shorter, do you ever sleep?

<LoveGuru 9:12 am> Sleep is for weak.

<LoveGuru 9:12 am> Are you still mad?

<LoveGuru 9:13 am> Eijiiiiiiiii

<LoveGuru 9:14 am> Eeeeeeijiiiiiiiiiiii

<LoveGuru 9:15 am> EEEEEEIIIIIJIIIIII!!!!

<LoveGuru 9:16 am> WEUWEUWEU EMERGENCY

<LoveGuru 9:16 am> Call 911. Huston, we have a problem.

<LoveGuru 9:17 am> Eiji, you know that stress is bad for a baby?

<PrincessJP 9:18 am> What baby???

<PrincessJP 9:18 am> I was making a sandwich.

<LoveGuru 9:19 am> You are a baby.

<PrincessJP 9:21 am> What? I am not a baby!

<PrincessJP 9:22 am> Are using a pet name on me?

_**LoveGuru** changed **PrincessJP** username to **BabyEiji**._

<LoveGuru 9:23 am> Delicious.

<BabyEiji 9:24 am> No comment.

<BabyEiji 9:27 am> Please, Shorter, help me think of ideas for the party.

<BabyEiji 9:28 am> I am so worried, that I can’t even sleep.

<LoveGuru 9:29 am> Ash still sleeping?

_**BabyEiji** shared a photo_

<LoveGuru 9:31 am> looks like he is dead.

<LoveGuru 9:32 am> I am happy that at least one Ash dream came true :’)

<LoveGuru 9:33 am> R.I.P. my friend. You will be remembered.

<BabyEiji 9:35 am> Shorter, it’s not funny…

<BabyEiji 9:36 am> I will try to wake him up in two hours.

<LoveGuru 9:38 am> try using the baseball bat.

<BabyEiji 9:40 am> You want me to hit him???

<LoveGuru 9:41 am> No, stick it in his ass.

<LoveGuru 9:41 am> Instead of gravestone

<BabyEiji 9:42 am> There can’t be anything else on Ash’s ass, except for my hand.

<LoveGuru 9:42 am> SHOOK.

<GoodBoi69 10:44 am> Does anyone know any good pick up lines?

<LoveGuru 10:46 am> For YueYue?

<GoodBoi69 10:47 am> What?

<GoodBoi69 10:48 am> Of course not…

<GoodBoi69 10:48 am> Why did you say so?

<GoodBoi69 10:49 am> There is something between us

<GoodBoi69 10:49 am> I MEAN NOTHING

<GoodBoi69 10:49 am> NOTHING BETWEEN US.

<LoveGuru 10:50 am> Sure.

<LoveGuru 10:51 am> And the Santa Claus is real.

<GoodBoi69 10:52 am> It’s not real?

<GoodBoi69 10:52 am> What?

<GoodBoi69 10:53 am> So who brings presents?

<GoodBoi69 10:54 am> last year he brought me that little car model I wanted so much.

<GoodBoi69 10:55 am> Nobody knew that I want it

<GoodBoi69 10:55 am> Explain this!

<GoodBoi69 10:56 am> SHORTER!!!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:57 am> You hanged the photo of that car in every corner at my place

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:57 am> Even in my toilet

<GoodBoi69 12:01 pm> You were the one who bought it?

<GoodBoi69 12:02 pm> Tell me the truth, even if it hurts.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:03 pm> Yes, I bought you the car.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:04 pm> It was clearly written on the package.

<GoodBoi69 12:05 pm> I thought that Santa Claus is trying to trick me… :’((

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:06 pm> Just come back to the bed.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:08 pm> I mean your bed which is not mine!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:10 pm> I mean… the bed in your house.

<GoodBoi69 12:11 pm> So should I leave your house naked?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:12 pm> Oh God…

<BabyEiji 12:25 pm> Just for one tiny moment I thought that you might be talking about the actual topic

<LoveGuru 12:25 pm> Which is… swinger party?

<BabyEIji 12:26 pm> What? Does it have to do something with dances?

<LoveGuru 12:26 pm> Sure, in some way. Exotic dances

<LoveGuru 12:26 pm> Ash is pro at this, try asking him.

<BabyEiji 12:27 pm> Okay!!

<BabyEiji 12:27 pm> But I don’t think Ibe likes to dance.

<LoveGuru 12:28 pm> Yeah, probably not…

<BabyEiji 12:29 pm> Don’t be sad, Shorter. Let’s try to think of something else.

_**BabyEiji** renamed the group to **Ibe’s birthday**_

<BabyEiji 12:31 pm> When Ash shows me how I will dance Swinger dance for you!

<BabyEiji 12:31 pm> or we can dance together!

<LoveGuru 12:32 pm> Eiji, your heart is so pure, that I don’t have any words.

<BabyEiji 12:33 pm> I will take this as a compliment!

<BabyEiji 12:33 pm> By the way, what is a pickup line?

<LoveGuru 12:24 pm> It’s something you would say for a very good friend.

<BabyEiji 12:25 pm> You are a good friend to me. Can I say it for you?

<LoveGuru 12:26 pm> Sure. Wanna try?

<BabyEiji 12:27 pm> okay!

<LoveGuru 12:29 pm> Is your name WiFi?

<BabyEiji 12:29 pm> What? My name is Eiji.

<LoveGuru 12:31 pm> Because I can feel a connection between us.

<BabyEiji 12:33 pm> I can also feel the connection between us! You are a really good friend, Shorter!

<LoveGuru 12:35 pm> Are you a camera?

<BabyEiji 12:36 pm> hahaha!! No, I am a human!

<BabyEiji 12:37 pm> I don’t really get this game, but I love it!

<LoveGuru 12:37 pm> Because I smile every time I see you.

<BabyEiji 12:38 pm> You also make me smile, Shorter!

<BabyEiji 12:38 pm> Ok, I need to go!

<BabyEiji 12:40 pm> I left Ash in the bathroom

<BabyEIji 12:41 pm> I think he fell asleep again.

<LoveGuru 12:44 pm> Seriously... do we even deserve to have Eiji?

_**LoveGuru** renamed the group to **Eiji’s Fan Club**_

 

 

_[PRIVATE MESSAGE]_

<SingSing8 13:20 pm> Eiji, I don’t want to scare you… but…

<SingSing8 13:21 pm> You should google what Swinger party means.

<Eiji 13:23 pm> You say Shorter lied to me? It’s not a dance?

<SingSing8 13:24 pm> um… not so much

<SingSing8 13:25 pm> I just came back home, but I can hear Ash is shouting. Why?

<Eiji 13:26 pm> He is searching for Shorter

<SingSing8 13:27 pm> By screaming as a tribal commander in some Africa Jungle?

<SingSing8 13:27 pm> I saw Shorter, he just left.

<SingSing8 13:28 pm> ran away

<SingSing8 13:28 pm> saved his ass

 

 

 

<ASHU 13:27 pm> SHORTER!!

<ASHU 13:28 pm> I am going to kill you

<LoveGuru 13:30 pm> If we come back to the topic about my friend Ash, who died this morning…

<ASHU 13:31 pm> You might be dead soon.

<LoveGuru 13:32 pm> Sometimes I still feel like he is talking to me.

<ASHU 13:34 pm> I swear to God… if you make Eiji cry….

<LoveGuru 13:35 pm> Please, let his soul find the peace!

<BabyEiji 13:36 pm> You tricked me Shorter!!

<BabyEiji 13:38 pm> I would never do a Swinger thingy for you!

<BabyEiji 13:40 pm>  Or for anyone!!!

<BabyEiji 13:40 pm> Well, maybe except for Ash.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 13:41 pm> I didn’t want to know that.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 13:42 pm> Erase this from my memory.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 13:43 pm> I need a revert card

<MaxDad 13:45 pm> I can be responsible for drinks.

<LoveGuru 13:46 pm> lmao

<LoveGuru 13:48 pm> omg… I can’t

<MaxDad 13:50 pm> what is funny?

<BabyEiji 13:51 pm> We are not talking about the party at this moment, Max

<MaxDad 13:55 pm> oh. Okay, I come back later.

<ASHU 13:58 pm> Eiji, are you sad?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 13:59 pm> for the love of Buddha or whatever… why you write messages here when you live in the same freaking room!!!

<ASHU 14:01 pm> Are u jealous?

<ASHU 14:02 pm> if so, I can come to make out with Eiji in front of your window.

<BabyEiji 14:03 pm> I am alright.

<BabyEiji 14:04 pm> Love you, Ash.

<BabyEiji 14:05 pm> And I am not at home now, Yut-Lung.

<ASHU 14:05 pm> Love you too, babe

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:06 pm> that’s fucking gross. Go to private talk!

<ASHU 14:07 pm> I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING EIJI

<ASHU 14:08 pm> I COULD CROSS THE OCEAN FOR YOU

<ASHU 14:09 pm> YOU ARE EVERYTHING I NEED IN THIS LIFE

_**You_Sing’s_Slut** left the group_

<GoodBoi69 14:10 pm> Ash I was able to hear how you are typicing

<GoodBoi69 14:10 pm> typing*

<GoodBoi69 14:11 pm> stop laughing like psychopath

<GoodBoi69 14:12 pm> Eiji, where are you going?

_**GoodBoi69** added YueLut to the group_

_**GoodBoi69** changed YueLut username to **You_Sing’s_Slut**_

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:14 pm> Why did you changed my name back to this???

<GoodBoi69 14:15 pm> I kinda like it.

<ASHU 14:16 pm> I am vomiting.

<BabyEiji 14:20 pm> Sing, I am taking English classes.

<BabyEiji 14:21 pm> Ash, what happened? Maybe I should come back?

<ASHU 14:22 pm> I am traumatized by Lee’s existence.

<ASHU 14:22 pm> But don’t worry babe

<BabyEiji 14:23 pm> I will do something about it in the evening ^_^/

<ASHU 14:24 pm> Are we doing that again?

<BabyEiji 14:24 pm> Of course. I really want to do that.

<ASHU 14:25 pm> Can’t wait to have babies and buy a dog.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:26 pm> What the actual fuck???

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:27 pm>  You do understand that you actually both man???

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:27 pm> It’s physically impossible!!!

<BabyEiji 14:28 pm> What are you talking about?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:29 pm> …You and Lynx!

<LoveGuru 14:30 pm> Eiji, so you will continue from yesterday? 

<BabyEiji 14:30 pm> Yes! It was so fun! I have never tried to do it with three people!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:31 pm> OH MY GOD!! Let me out of here!!! I didn’t want to read that!!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:32 pm> SING, RUN FROM THAT PLACE!!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:32 pm> BEFORE THEY DID SOMETHING TO YOU!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:33 pm> YOU FREAKS!

<BabyEiji 14:34 pm> Wait wait. What? What are you talking about??

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:35 pm> About your orgy of course!

<BabyEiji 14:36 pm> Orgy?

<BabyEiji 14:37 pm> Ash, what does Orgy mean?

<ASHU 14:38 pm> Nothing you should worry about, love.

<ASHU 14:49 pm> I will download more Mods.

<BabyEiji 14:50 pm> Okay!

<GoodBoi69 14:52 pm> Eiji, you are taking English classes??

<GoodBoi69 14:53 pm> I will come to play too.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:54 pm> what are you all talking about? Sing, not you too.

<GoodBoi69 14:55 pm> What? It’s a fun game!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:55 pm> Game?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:56 pm> What game?

<GoodBoi69 14:57 pm> Sims 4.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:57 pm>  (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

<You_Sing’s_Slut 14:58 pm> I am out.

<ASHU 14:48 pm> Thank you God

<ASHU 14:48 pm> Bye

<ASHU 14:49 pm> Never come back

<LoveGuru 14:50 pm> Lololololololol. OMG

<LoveGuru 14:51 pm> I am fucking crying

<LoveGuru 14:52 pm> trying to think what Lee imagined, trolololol

<Blanca 14:53 pm> WHERE IS EIJI???

<ASHU 14:54 pm> Why??

<Blanca 14:57 pm> I AM SITTING NEAR THE WINDOW

<Blanca 14:58 pm> WHEN YOU SEE THIS MESSAGE. COME HERE.

<Blanca 14:59 pm> BLANCA.

<ASHU 15:00 pm> why he should come?

<ASHU 15:01 pm> Wait! Are you that friend which takes English classes with him?????

<Blanca 15:03 pm> YES. I AM.

<Blanca 15:03 pm> BLANCA.

<LoveGuru 15:04 pm> Majestic

<GoodBoi69 15:05 pm> Blanca, you don’t need to write your name every time, we know that it’s you.

<Blanca 15:06 pm> HOW?

<Blanca 15:07 pm> BLANCA.

<GoodBoi69 15:07 pm> We can see your name

<GoodBoi69 15:07 pm> And turn off capital letters!

<Blanca 15:09 pm> HOW?????

<Blanca 15:11 pm> BLANCA.

 

_[incoming call]_

> Ash! Hey!

< Eiji! Why didn’t you tell me that you are studying English together with Blanca?!

> Huh? I told you, remember?

< When???

> Like around two weeks ago, when classes started.

< Why I don’t remember? Did you tell me in the morning?

> Well not really… around twelve or so.

< So, in the morning!

> It’s not my fault, that you are a sausage mitten

< A what???

> Sausage mitten.

< Eiji… what do you think it means?

> … a person who loves to sleep?

< Who did you tell you this?

> Shorter. Oh no… don’t tell me it has another meaning…

< It means… a tight vagina.

> A what?

< Oh God…. Just… Where are you?

> I met a cool guy on my way to the lecture! He said that there is an old grampa who needs help, so now I am in his car. We are going to save him!!

<… WHAT? YOU ARE IN SOME STRANGER’S CAR???

> He seems like a nice man!

< OH MY GOD, EIJI!!! I told you not to sit in random cars so many times! I am coming!!! Damn it.

_[end of the call]_

 

 

_**LoveGuru** shared a photo_

<LoveGuru 18:11 pm> Just a casual day

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:15 pm> Why there is a dead man in the picture???

<LoveGuru 18:16 pm> Ash just killed him.

<LoveGuru 18:17 pm> he kidnapped Eiji.

<GoodBoi69 18:19 pm> Hey! Why didn’t you take me with you?!

<GoodBoi69 18:21 pm> I also wanted to kill!

<GoodBoi69 18:22 pm> Is Eiji alright?

<LoveGuru 18:23 pm> Fine fine. They are now French kissing with Ash in the corner.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:24 pm> So gross…

<GoodBoi69 18:25 pm> I want someone to kiss me too like this…

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:26 pm> Come to my place

<GoodBoi69 18:27 pm> Really?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:27 pm> For research purpose.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:28 pm> I will show you that there is nothing nice about that.

<GoodBoi69 18:30 pm> Yes, of course.

<LoveGuru 18:31 pm> Guys, you want a live video of Eiji and Ash making out?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:32 pm> NO!!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:33 pm> Why everyone in this group is either idiots or sluts??

<LoveGuru 18:34 pm> I love when you refer to yourself. Title Drop.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:35 pm> Go an die!

<LoveGuru 18:36 pm> I would… but then you lose a huge fan of Sooyue

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:36 pm> What does it even mean???

<LoveGuru 18:37 pm> Soo + Yue = Sooyue

<LoveGuru 18:37 pm> <3

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:38 pm>  WE ARE NOT DATING!!!

<LoveGuru 18:38 pm> ~~yet~~

<LoveGuru 18:39 pm> Sing, we need to talk.

<MaxDad 18:40 pm> there is so much text! Plans for the party are probably going well!

<LoveGuru 18:41 pm> Good like never.

<MaxDad 18:45 pm> Great! Who wants a beer?

<Blanca 18:50 pm> DID SOMEONE SAY VODKA??

<Blanca 18:51 pm> BLANCA.

<LoveGuru 18:52 pm> Count me in. I will take Ash and Eiji too

<LoveGuru 18:53 pm> As soon as strange sounds stop coming from the backyard.

<GoodBoi69 18:54 pm> We are also coming with Yue!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 18:55 pm> Separately of course

 

 

_**MaxDad** shared his location_

 

 

<LoveGuru 03:18 am> So, how we gonna save the world?!

<MaxDad 03:20 am> with friendship!

<Blanca 03:22 am> VODKA!

<GoodBoi69 03:22 am> Yue!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 03:23 am> Beautiful people

<ASHU 03:24 am> Killing

<BabyEiji 03:25 am> And power of LOVE!!!!

<Blanca 03:28 am> BLANCA.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tenkiu for kudos :> I don't think I deserve them in this cringe-fest :>


	3. heels over heads (????)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> < ASHU 6:20 pm > Are you still not sober??
> 
> < ASHU 6:21 pm > That explains why your English skills were better
> 
> < BabyEiji 6:22 pm > I am heels over head for you
> 
> < You_Sing’s_Slut 6:25 pm > You mean head over heels?
> 
> < BabyEiji 6:25 pm > Don’t tell me how to live MY life!
> 
> < ASHU 6:27 pm > Shorter, what have you done??
> 
> < LoveGuru 6:27 pm > Why it’s always me??
> 
> < LoveGuru 6:28 pm > well okay maybe I gave him a few candies with whiskey

<GoodBoi69 11:01 am> hey

<GoodBoi69 12:08 pm> Hellloooooo

<GoodBoi69 12:15 pm> we have a problem here

<GoodBoi69 12:17 pm> few tbh

<GoodBoi69 12:18 pm> first, I don’t remember anything

<GoodBoi69 12:19 pm> what happened after the sixth round of shots???

<GoodBoi69 12:21 pm> why I woke up in the central park??

<GoodBoi69 12:22 pm> which is like an hour from our home????

<GoodBoi69 12:30 pm> HEY ANYONE

<GoodBoi69 12:55 pm> I am near, is anybody home???

<GoodBoi69 1:02 pm> why nobody is picking up their phones???

<LoveGuru 1:08 pm> at the time like this I really wish I would have listened to my parents

<GoodBoi69 1:10 pm> Shorter!! Why? What did they say?

<LoveGuru 1:11 pm> idk, I didn’t listen man

<LoveGuru 1:12 pm> that’s the problem

<GoodBoi69 1:13 pm> are you home?

<LoveGuru 1:15 pm> yeah

<LoveGuru 1:16 pm> if we count public toilet as home

<LoveGuru 1:17 pm> but I have slept even in worse place

<LoveGuru 1:17 pm> Kingdom of trash

<GoodBoi69 1:17 pm> where is that

<GoodBoi69 1:17 pm> do I want to know?

<LoveGuru 1:18 pm>  Lee’s house

<GoodBoi69 1:19 pm> Oh NO Yue!

<GoodBoi69 1:20 pm> He hasn’t answered either!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:21 pm> because I am at home

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:22 pm> in my bed

<GoodBoi69 1:22 pm> So you ignored all my messages on purpose? :’(

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:23 pm> yes

<GoodBoi69 1:23 pm> why?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:24 pm> as if you don’t remember

<GoodBoi69 1:24 pm> I DON’T. THAT’S THE PROBLEM!!

<GoodBoi69 1:25 pm> Shorter, are u still in the public toilet?

<LoveGuru 1:26 pm> if I say no, would it change smth?

<GoodBoi69 1:26 pm> probably not

<LoveGuru 1:29 pm> then yes, I am in the toilet

<LoveGuru 1:30 pm> do you know that people who come here are actually talented

<LoveGuru 1:31 pm> look at this picture

<LoveGuru 1:32 pm> what it reminds you of?

_**LoveGuru** shared a photo_

<GoodBoi 1:33 pm> a dick…?

<LoveGuru 1:33 pm> no, next to it.

<ASHU 1:33 pm> EIJI!!!

<LoveGuru 1:34 pm> No, Ash. Not Eiji

<LoveGuru 1:34 pm> probably even a stone would look like Eiji to u

<ASHU 1:35 pm> NO. I MEAN

<ASHU 1:36 pm> EIJI IS GONE!!!

<ASHU 1:37 pm> I CAN’T FIND HIM ANYWHERE!

<ASHU 1:38 pm> I CAN’T REACH HIM

<LoveGuru 1:40 pm> Have you looked everywhere

<ASHU 1:40 pm> OF COURSE I DID!!!

<ASHU 1:41 pm> I WANT TO KMS. WHERE IS EIJI

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:41 pm> *gay gasp*

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:42 pm> *gay panic*

<LoveGuru 1:43 pm> Under the bed?

<LoveGuru 1:43 pm> bathroom?

<LoveGuru 1:44 pm> Closet?

<LoveGuru 1:44 pm> table?

<LoveGuru 1:45 pm> pocket?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:46 pm> trash bin?

<ASHU 1:46 pm> FUCK YOU GUYS!

<ASHU 1:46 pm> SERIOUSLY

<ASHU 1:47 pm> I AM BREAKING THE WINDOW!!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:48 pm> tf? Why the window???

<ASHU 1:48 pm> BECAUSE MY HEART IS BROKEN

<ASHU 1:49 pm> I AM EMPTY

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:50 pm> You seriously need to calm the fuck down

<ASHU 1:51 pm> OH TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN

<ASHU 1:51 pm> TO CALM DOWN???

<ASHU 1:52 pm> I WILL CALM YOU

<ASHU 1:52 pm> I WILL CALM YOU SO BADLY

<ASHU 1:53 pm> THAT YOU WON’T EVER DARE TO SAY THE WORD FUCK AGAIN

<ASHU 1:54 pm> I CAN THINK OF 200+ WAYS HOW TO MAKE YOU BOLD

<LoveGuru 1:55 pm> I also know few ways!!

<LoveGuru 1:56 pm> it all starts the same

<LoveGuru 1:57 pm> first

<LoveGuru 1:58 pm> we make him

<LoveGuru 1:59 pm> watch cute videos

<LoveGuru 2:00 pm> about love

<ASHU 2:01 pm> MY LOVE IS GONE

 

_**MaxDad** started a group call_

_**LoveGuru** joined the conversation_

_**ASHU** joined the conversation_

_**GoodBoi69** joined the conversation_

_**You_Sing’s_Slu** t joined the conversatio_n

 

Max> Ash, Eiji is with me.

Ash> How?? WHY???

Max> I don’t have any idea, to be honest.

Sing> Hey, what’s the last thing you remember guys?

Yue-Lung> I remember how I slapped you in the face

Sing> that explains why it hurts. But why?

Shorter> But why my butt hurts?

Yue-Lung> Nobody cares.

Ash> WHERE. IS. MY. EIJI. WHY. HE. IS. NOT. WITH. ME. You seriously don’t want to make me mad

Shorter> Did you already break the window?

Ash> there are 10 more in this apartment. And also someone is walking in the kitchen

Sing> That’s me!

Ash> Well whatever, I can break some bones for you too

Sing> Oh my God! Just give him Eiji back, Max!

Shorter> Understand, Sing, Ash had a really hard childhood

Sing> Well, no shit. Mine wasn’t a fairytale either!

Ash> did they make you study math for hours? HOURS? DAYS? MONTHS?

Sing> what?

Ash> Yeah, imagine.

Sing> Don’t wanna.

_**Blanca** joined the conversation_

Blanca> oh what is this? Can you hear me? Over.

Sing> Shorter! Don’t laugh so loud… my ears

Ash> Blanca, it’s not a military radio.

Blanca> Oh? So when do you know when I say everything I want to say? Over.

Shorter> I-can’t… fuck-ing… bre-athe….

Yue-Lung> idiots…

Ash> we just know.

Max> Blanca, maybe you remember what happened yesterday?

Blanca> of course I do! It was so much fun! But you guys can’t drink at all. So I need to say over or not?

Yue-Lung> NOT

Yue-Lung> then why I have Sing’s name tattoo on my butt?

Sing> you have what??? you said that I slapped you!

Yue-Lung> I wanted you to feel guilty. You shitheads! Stop screaming, I can’t hear anything what Blanca says!

Shorter> Wh-at… wh-at.. does it sa—y? oh, shit… this is too funny

Yue-Lung> I am not the one who woke up in public bathroom surrounded by dick pictures!

Ash> Shorter, what?

Shorter> Yeah, man… reminds me of those times, when we started to hang out together

Ash> Oh, so nostalgic

Shorter> that was beautiful

Yue-Lung> You are so sick….

Blanca> You went to do the tattoo when Sing said that he doesn’t deserve you or your butt.

Shorter> Gay gasp and panic round two

Yue-Lung> I don’t remember this part!

Sing> YueYue, is it permanent?

Yue-Lung> What?

Sing> My rights to your butt. I mean, the tattoo

Blanca> You were all so drunk and cute! Of course, Eiji was out after a few shots of tequila.

Ash> So you just gave him to Max???

Blanca> I didn’t! You gave him yourself!

Ash> Impossible.

Blanca> Max was crying about Jessica and their marriage. You just took sleeping Eiji into your hands and passed it to Max saying: Here, take some happiness, Dad.

Ash> The Fuck???

Sing> I am gonna piss to my pants!! OMG!

Shorter> wouldn’t be the first time

Max> Ash, you called me Dad??

Ash> I DID NOT! Blanca, you made this up, right?

Blanca> Huh? Why should I?

Ash> It’s just wouldn’t make sense. I mean, I could have been drunk maybe a bit, but I wouldn’t have let my guard down. Or pass Eiji to anyone. Eiji is the other half of the soul. The connection between us is stronger than anything else. That’s right, it’s impossible… there has to be another explanation. Of course, Eiji wouldn’t have left himself… think… think…

Yue-Lung> Are you talking to yourself?

Ash> Yes. That’s the only way I can have at least a bit more intelligent conversation in this chat.

Sing> YueYue, why you are not answering to me?? YUE?

Blanca> Congrats.

Ash> In your place, I would enjoy it while you can.

Sing> I want to speak with Yue!! And Blanca, why I woke up in the park?

Blanca> You were depressed that Yue made a tattoo in English and not Chinese

Shorter> You, slutty, made my boy Sing sad. I can accidentally use my knives collection.

Ash> Yes, very accidentally. From five to ten times.

Shorter> indeed.

Yue-Lung> OMG! I hate all of you!! I will see you in fucking hell! BYE

Ash> And you tell them who sent you there, bitch!

Yue-Lung> DIE!

Ash> I WISH IT WOULD BE SO SIMPLE!

_**You_Sing's_Slut** left the conversation_

Shorter> Such drama queen. Isn’t he too small to be so dramatic?

Sing> Shorter, he is twenty-year-old

Shorter> Time really does fly fast… ugh

Sing> when I was a kid, I wanted to grow up so I could go drinking and hanging out with friends… but now I just want to sleep.

Shorter> what kid? You became a gang leader at the age of fourteen.

Sing> Yeah, I regret my life decisions.

 **_GoodBoi69_** _left the_ _conversation_ ****

Ash> Max, are you still there?

Max> Yup. Just don’t tell anything about the party, Ibe is standing next to me.

Blanca> What party? Are we going to drink again?

Ash> Oh my god… seriously? Ok, I am going to pick up Eiji. Don’t let him leave.

Max> He is still sleeping.

_**ASHU** left the conversation_

_**MaxDad** left the conversation_

Shorter> Blanca, why I am in the public toilet?

Blanca> You said that once you drowned there the purpose of your life. So you went to search for it.

Shorter> Oh, now it makes sense why my hand was in the water.

Blanca> What was that purpose? Did you find it?

Shorter> I don’t have any idea.

Blanca> Well I am sure you tried your best.

Shorter> I have a wig made from toilet paper on my head. I am sure I tried.

Shorter> Good that nobody else heard it.

Shorter> I can keep it now.

_**LoveGuru** left the conversation_

_**Blanca** left the conversation_

 

<BabyEiji 6:02 pm> Guys, where is my cherry-vanilla lip balm?? I will take your worthless life unless you tell me!!

<LoveGuru 6:03 pm> O__O

<GoodBoi69 6:03 pm> umm….

<MaxDad 6:04 pm> Eiji???

<BabyEiji 6:05 pm> Sorry for being mean, my lips are just so dry after yesterday. I haven’t been this drunk in a long time.

<GoodBoi69 6:06 pm> You literally drank just two shots!

<BabyEiji 6:06 pm> I know! I usually drink just half…

<BabyEiji 6:07 pm> Maybe I am becoming an alcoholic????

<LoveGuru 6:08 pm> Maybe Anonymous Alcoholics group would help

<BabyEiji 6:08 pm> Really! I should try it!

<LoveGuru 6:09 pm> Try me.

<LoveGuru 6:10 pm> I am the best advisor.

_**LoveGuru**  renamed the group to  **Anonymous Alcoholics.**_

<LoveGuru 6:11 pm>  When all of this started?

<BabyEiji 6:12 pm> I don’t know… probably last night?

<BabyEiji 6:13 pm> I was so sad today

<BabyEiji 6:14 pm> I thought that we broke up with Ash

<BabyEiji 6:15 pm> It was painful

<BabyEiji 6:15 pm> and everything because of alcohol

<BabyEiji 6:16 pm> I don’t know how long I can take this

<LoveGuru 6:17 pm> I understand, that might be hard at first.

<LoveGuru 6:18 pm> Let’s search for the best solution together

<ASHU 6:19 pm> Eiji??? What are you talking about? We just had sex like a few hours ago.

<GoodBoi69 6:20 pm> Thank you! We all perfectly heard that!

<LoveGuru 6:21 pm> First I thought that someone is playing tennis

<BabyEiji 6:20 pm> But was it from love?

<ASHU 6:20 pm> Are you still not sober??

<ASHU 6:21 pm> That explains why your English skills were better

<BabyEiji 6:22 pm> I am heels over head for you

<You_Sing’s_Slut 6:25 pm> You mean head over heels?

<BabyEiji 6:25 pm> Don’t tell me how to live MY life!

<ASHU 6:27 pm> Shorter, what have you done??

<LoveGuru 6:27 pm> Why it’s always me??

<LoveGuru 6:28 pm> well okay maybe I gave him a few candies with whiskey

<LoveGuru 6:28 pm> but I mean it’s a candy

<LoveGuru 6:29 pm> he couldn’t get drunk from those

<LoveGuru 6:30 pm> or could he?

<BabyEiji 6:31 pm> hey guys, you know how do you call eyebrows??

<GoodBoi69 6:32 pm> hmmm… eyebrows?

<BabyEiji 6:33 pm> Eye mustache!

<LoveGuru 6:34 pm> dgdghdhs

<LoveGuru 6:35 pm> Genius

<LoveGuru 6:36 pm> I will upgrade my vocabulary

<BabyEiji 6:37 pm> Ash, you have a lot of knives in the closet! For cooking?

<ASHU 6:38 pm> Don’t touch them! I am on my way back home from

<ASHU 6:39 pm> gay library

<ASHU 6:39 pm> the library*

<ASHU 6:39 pm> fucking autocorrect

<LoveGuru 6:40 pm> but that would make more sense

<LoveGuru 6:41 pm> Eiji, you can go and try to throw them at Lee’s window!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 6:42 pm> Why I am always being used???

<LoveGuru 6:42 pm> Lee, nobody is using you

<You_Sing’s_Slut 6:43 pm> Are you trying to be nice?

<LoveGuru 6:44 pm> no I am just saying…

<LoveGuru 6:45 pm> People can’t use you

<LoveGuru 6:46 pm> if you are useless

<You_Sing’s_Slut 6:47 pm> seriously, I hate you all!!

<LoveGuru 6:47 pm> don’t worry those feelings are mutual

<GoodBoi69 6:48 pm> You hate me too, Yue?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 6:49 pm> Until your name will disappear of my ASS!

<Blanca 6:55 pm> I HAVE JUST BEEN STABBED, WERE IS THE NEAREST HOSPITAL HERE??? BLANCA

<You_Sing’s_Slut 6:55> where*

<GoodBoi69 6:56 pm> Who stabbed you???

<Blanca 7:00 pm> MY ENGLISH TEST! BLANCA

<LoveGuru 7:01 pm> what?

<Blanca 7:02 pm> IT’S NOT HOW YOU MAKE JOKES?

<Blanca 7:06 pm> IN BOOK ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS IS SAID TO MAKE JOKES AND KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER. BLANCA

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:07 pm> my IQ just fell 100 after joining this chat.

<LoveGuru 7:08 pm> wasn’t it already like -100???

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:09 pm> ha.ha.ha.

<ASHU 7:10 pm> hey, why Eiji is not saying anything? Shorter can you check up on him?

<LoveGuru 7:11 pm> Bro, he is fine…

<GoodBoi69 7:12 pm> what was that sound????

<LoveGuru 7:15 pm> Everything is under control

<GoodBoi69 7:16 pm> IT’S NOT!

<GoodBoi69 7:17 pm> Eiji just broke coffee machine!!

<GoodBoi69 7:17 pm> COFFEE MACHINE!

<LoveGuru 7:19 pm> He is just searching for Ash

<GoodBoi69 7:20 pm> By breaking the only useful thing in this place??!!

<GoodBoi69 7:20 pm> Shorter, can you come and help me?

<LoveGuru 7:22 pm> what? u can’t deal with our baby?

<GoodBoi69 7:23 pm> He is a monster!

<GoodBoi69 7:24 pm> With baby eyes

<GoodBoi69 7:24 pm> nvm, Ash came

<LoveGuru 7:25 pm> I am busy

<LoveGuru 7:25 pm> oh, lol. K

<GoodBoi69 7:26 pm> busy with what?

<LoveGuru 7:27 pm> I am like doing tests and stuff

<GoodBoi69 7:27 pm> oh, you mean

<GoodBoi69 7:28 pm> studying?

<LoveGuru 7:30 pm> wanna try?

<GoodBoi69 7:31 pm> idk, I am not that smart like u

<GoodBoi69 7:32 pm> but alright let’s try

<LoveGuru 7:33 pm> which one do you want

<LoveGuru 7:34 pm> what kind of salad you are?

<LoveGuru 7:34 pm > or

<LoveGuru 7:35 pm> who is your bf from Avengers?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:36 pm> I would hang myself

<LoveGuru 7:36 pm> Please do that and make a live stream

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:37 pm> but that won’t change fact that you exist

<LoveGuru 7:38 pm> and your point is?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:38 pm> I want to come to live in your place

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:40 pm> that would be fair

<LoveGuru 7:41 pm> just admit that you want friends :’)

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:42 pm> I don’t need friends!!!

<LoveGuru 7:43 pm> Nobody gonna love you with this attitude

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:45 pm> you mean… my stunning, smart and beautiful character?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 7:46 pm> Sounds like their problem

<LoveGuru 7:46 pm> Something is definitely not okay with you

<LoveGuru 7:46 pm> but tbh I don’t care

<LoveGuru 7:47 pm> go and throw eggs at your window or come and punch you in the face

<LoveGuru 7:48 pm> so ok, why not. But it’s Ash’s place

<GoodBoi69 7:49 pm> OMG!! YUE!!! I AM CLEANING MY BEDROOM! PLEASE SLEEP HERE

<GoodBoi69 7:50 pm> WE CAN HAVE DATE

<GoodBoi69 7:51 pm> late**

<GoodBoi69 7:52 pm> have late dinners

<GoodBoi69 7:53 pm> you know

<LoveGuru 7:54 pm> You are not fooling anyone dear ^_^

<LoveGuru 7:55 pm> ily~~

<GoodBoi69 7:55 pm> brb, I need to clean

<LoveGuru 7:56 pm> Just say it!!!

<ASHU 8:13 pm> wtf??

<ASHU 8:14 pm> Lee is not coming to live at our place!!

<ASHU 8:15 pm> just over my dead body!!

<ASHU 8:15 pm> NOBODY CAN CHANGE MY MIND OR TELL ME WHAT TO DO

<ASHU 8:16 pm> Understood???

<BabyEiji 9:28 pm> Oh! Sorry, everyone, it’s been a strange day

<BabyEiji 9:28 pm> you probably won’t believe it

<BabyEiji 9:29 pm> but it seems

<BabyEiji 9:30 pm> that I can’t drink alcohol

<LoveGuru 9:30 pm> No shit, Eiji

<BabyEIji 9:31 pm> Yue-Lung is coming to live at our place?

<BabyEiji 9:31 pm> YES!!!

<BabyEiji 9:32 pm> Ash is excited too!!

<LoveGuru 9:32 pm> I can hear him crying

<LoveGuru 9:33 pm> How?

<BabyEiji 9:33 pm> I can’t tell you all my secrets

<BabyEiji 9:34 pm> but actually it’s Nato.

<BabyEiji 9:55 pm> either we take in Yue or Ash eats Nato for three months

<ASHU 9:56 pm> I would rather live with the devil himself.

<ASHU 9:57 pm> I am already burning in flames

<BabyEiji 9:58 pm> No, you are taking a hot bath

<BabyEiji 9:59 pm> oh and what ily and brb mean?

<LoveGuru 10:00 pm> I love you, be right back

<BabyEiji 10:01 pm> oh, okay, I love you too, Shorter! Just tell me later then!

<LoveGuru 10:11 pm> hdjhbcjhbcsj

<BabyEIji 10:12 pm> ????

<MaxDad 11:20 pm> Hey everyone. You do actually remember that we created this chat for Ibe’s birthday which is after 7 days???

<Blanca 11:21 pm> I ALSO WANT TO LIVE WITH EVERYONE!!! BLANCA

<ASHU 11:22 pm> No!

<BabyEiji 11:23 pm> Of course! It will be fun!!

<ASHU 11:24 pm> Eiji...

<BabyEIji 11:25 pm> I wonder how much legally Nato can I ship from Japan

<LoveGuru 11:26 pm> lol it’s not a drug

<LoveGuru 11:27 pm> you can make a large order for the whole year

<ASHU 11:31 pm> don’t give him crazy ideas!!!

<LoveGuru 11:32 pm> so Blanca and Lee are coming to our place?

<BabyEIji 11:33 pm> YES!!!

<ASHU 11:34 pm> Don’t say anything, Shorter

<LoveGuru 11:35 pm> Who I am?

<LoveGuru 11:35 pm> ASH LYNX!

<LoveGuru 11:36 pm> What do I want?

<LoveGuru 11:36 pm> FOR PEOPLE TO STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!

<LoveGuru 11:36 pm> When do I want this?

<LoveGuru 11:37 pm> *looks at Eiji* When?

<LoveGuru 11:38 pm> Eiji: at 8

<LoveGuru 11:39 pm> AT EIGHT!!

<ASHU 11:41 pm> I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP, SHORTER!!! 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first, yas they live together except for Max (since my bois yue and blanca moved in) :>>  
> second, they all alive and grown up here. only happy happy time. and even in the serious time, it's still happy :>
> 
> also this time i want to thank this wonderful blog on Tumblr: [INCORRECTBANANAFISH](https://incorrectbananafish.tumblr.com/) !!!! with admin's agreement, I took some awesome incorrect phrases for this chapter. So thenk u again c:
> 
>  
> 
> tenkiu for your attention. i need it :< but you don't have to give it for this trash :> just love our boys >:3


	4. I want it that way

_**YourWetDream** added Eiji and AshLynx to the group_

_**YourWetDream** named the group **911 EMERGENCY**_

 

<Eiji 10:12 am> what happened Shorter??

<Eiji 10:12 am> are you alright??

<AshLynx 10:12 am> I don’t want to know

<Eiji 10:13 am> Ash, don’t be so cold!

<Eiji 10:13 am> maybe something serious happened

<AshLynx 10:14 am> hmmm, no?

<AshLynx 10:14 am> we literally saw Shorter 10 min ago

<AshLynx 10:15 am> am sure nothing bad happened

<YourWetDream 10:18 am> I SWEAR TO GOD

<YourWetDream 10:19 am> YUT LUNG NEEDS A FUCKING

<YourWetDream 10:19 am> EXORCISM!

<AshLynx 10:20 am> I can’t believe I gonna tell this

<AshLynx 10:21 am> but I agree with you, man

<Eiji 10:14 am> he was possessed by a demon?

<YourWetDream 10:15 am> thousands of them!!

<YourWetDream 10:15 am> he screams and runs around

<YourWetDream 10:16 am> but even worse than that

<YourWetDream 10:16 am> He is too flexible!!

<YourWetDream 10:16 am> Not a human!!

<YourWetDream 10:17 am> how it’s possible to avoid it

<Eiji 10:17 am> avoid? Avoid what?

<YourWetDream 10:17 am> Cactus.

<AshLynx 10:18 am> ????

<YourWetDream 10:18 am> I threw cactus at him

<Eiji 10:19 am> Why???

<YourWetDream 10:20 am> because his voice couldn’t get higher so I wanted to add some spice

<Eiji 10:20 am> Meaning?

<YourWetDream 10:21 am> sounds coming from Sing’s bedroom were just too loud

<AshLynx 10:22 am> so you just broke in and threw cactus at him?

<YourWetDream 10:23 am> umm, yeah?

<YourWetDream 10:23 am> Yue is bottom btw

<AshLynx 10:24 am> obviously

<AshLynx 10:24 am> but ewww, why we r talking ‘bout this?

<Eiji 10:25 am> what is a bottom?

<YourWetDream 10:25 am> Ash? Wtf? You haven’t told him?

<AshLynx 10:26 am> don’t you dare!!!

<Eiji 10:27 am> I want to know!!!

<AshLynx 10:28 am> For the love of…

<AshLynx 10:28 am> stay in the kitchen I am coming for the talk

<YourWetDream 10:29 am> THE TALK

<YourWetDream 10:30 am> lmao hilarious

<AshLynx 10:30 am> I hate you Shorter Wong

<AshLynx 10:30 am> you are ruining the innocence of his

<Eiji 10:31 am> I am not innocent!!

<AshLynx 10:32 am> yeah babe

<AshLynx 10:33 am> what you are doing now?

<Eiji 10:33 am> drinking cacao with steamed milk and waiting for you. Why?

<YourWetDream 10:34 am> cute

 

_[GROUP CHAT]_

<Blanca 12:10 pm> WHO IS KEEPING A PET??? BLANCA

<BabyEiji 12:11 pm> We have a pet??? Where??

<ASHU 12:11 pm> NO ONE IS KEEPING ANIMALS AT MY PLACE

<Blanca 12:15 pm> I DON’T KNOW. THERE WAS A LOT OF FUR IN THE BATH

<Blanca 12:17 pm> VERY LONG FUR. BLANCA

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:18 pm>… it’s not a fur

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:19 pm> That’s my hair

<You_Sing’s_Slut 12:19 pm> Idiots.

<LoveGuru 12:20 pm> LMAO

<LoveGuru 12:21 pm> Sing likes furries

<GoodBoi69 12:23 pm> what are you talking about?

<GoodBoi69 12:23 pm> I don’t like Yue

<GoodBoi69 12:23 pm> I mean in that way…

<GoodBoi69 12:24 pm> I like him as a person

<GoodBoi69 12:25 pm> he is kind and nice

<LoveGuru 12:26 pm> Are you sure we are talking about the same person???

<LoveGuru 12:27 pm> oh right, I need to talk with you, Sing!

<LoveGuru 12:28 pm> gonna pm you later

<LoveGuru 12:30 pm> ok?

<LoveGuru 12:31 pm> Sing?

<LoveGuru 12:32 pm> where did he go?

<BabyEiji 12:33 pm> probably Yut-Lung is bottoming for him

<LoveGuru 12:33 pm> EIJI!! O_O

<BabyEiji 12:33 pm> ;)

<Max 1:50 pm> hey everyone!! I am coming to visit you!

<ASHU 1:50 pm> Don’t

<MaxDad 1:51 pm> I am coming anyway

<MaxDad 1:51 pm> we need to talk about the party

<BabyEiji 1:52 pm> THANK YOU!!!

<ASHU 1:53 pm> can you not come??

<ASHU 1:53 pm> can you just make a call??

<ASHU 1:54 pm> I am already living in hell 

<ASHU 1:55 pm> only Eiji saves me

<MaxDad 1:55 pm> who wants ice-cream?

<GoodBoi69 1:56 pm> ME!! Vanilla!

<LoveGuru 1:56 pm> You like vanilla, don’t you Sing?;)

<GoodBoi69 1:56 pm> yeah, why?

<LoveGuru 1:57 pm> nothing nothing. Caramel for me!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 1:58 pm> chocolate

<Blanca 1:59 pm> FOR ME ANY IS OK. BLANCA

<BabyEiji 2:00 pm> for me too!

<MaxDad 2:02 pm> Ash??

<ASHU 2:02 pm> don’t wanna

<MaxDad 2:03 pm> ???

<BabyEiji 2:05 pm> Ash wants strawberry

<MaxDad 2:06 pm> okay!

 

 

_[PRIVATE MESSAGE]_

<MyIdol 2:09 pm> So, Sing there is stuff we need to talk about

<MyIdol 2:10 pm> omg lol why I am named like this on our private chat??

<ChikenSoup 2:11 pm> and why I am a chicken soup??

<MyIdol 2:13 pm> oh, I remember smth… I named all my gang’s members by food names

<MyIdol 2:14 pm> and I would go through the list every day

<MyIdol 2:15 pm> and randomly choose what to eat

<MyIdol 2:15 pm> what memories :’)

<ChikenSoup 2:16 pm> yeah…? Those times when we were scary

<ChikenSoup 2:17 pm> let’s go scare children sometimes in streets

<MyIdol 2:18 pm> children scare ME tbh

<MyIdol 2:19 pm> but we can go and stand next to the bar

<ChikenSoup 2:20 pm> YEAH!! Looking cool and stuff

<MyIdol 2:21> I need to find my sunglasses

<MyIdol 2:21 pm> On Monday?

<ChikenSoup 2:22 pm> Damn, I have to finish my essay. Tuesday?

<MyIdol 2:22 pm> I have knitting circle

<ChikenSoup 2:23 pm> WHAT

<MyIdol 2:23 pm> Yeah man life hits you hard

<MyIdol 2:24 pm> ANYWAY

<MyIdol 2:24 pm> we need to talk about you and Yut-Lung

<ChikenSoup 2:25 pm> What do you want to talk about?

<MyIdol 2:25 pm> why don’t you ask him on date?

<ChikenSoup 2:26 pm> what date? I don’t like him! I am straight!

<MyIdol 2:26 pm> there is nothing straight about you, Sing

<MyIdol 2:26 pm> you can’t even draw a straight line

<ChikenSoup 2:26 pm> Sure I can

<ChikenSoup 2:27 pm> with ruler

<MyIdol 2:28 pm> So you and Yut

<ChikenSoup 2:29 pm> just friends

<MyIdol 2:30 pm> are you being safe?

<ChikenSoup 2:31 pm> yeah, I use condom

<ChikenSoup 2:32 pm> I MEAN, I would. But there is nothing going on between us

<MyIdol 2:33 pm> I will arrange everything

<ChikenSoup 2:34 pm> WHAT?

<MyIdol 2:35 pm> Your date

<ChikenSoup 2:35 pm> NO NEED

<ChikenSoup 2:39 pm> why Eiji ran out from the house just now?

<MyIdol 2:40 pm> idk.

 

_[PRIVATE MESSAGE]_

<Ash ❤ 2:40 pm> Eiji, come back. PLEASE

<Eiji ❤ 2:41 pm> NO!

<Ash ❤ 2:42 pm> I am sorry

<Eiji ❤ 2:42 pm> NO I KNOW YOU ARE NOT. YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU REGRET IT!

<Ash ❤ 2:43 pm> Not really. But please come back

<Eiji ❤ 2:24 pm> How could you

<Ash ❤ 2:25 pm> you won’t even make through the day without me

<Ash ❤ 2:26 pm> even a few hours

<Eiji ❤ 2:27 pm> WATCH ME!

<Ash ❤ 2:28 pm> you will see!!

<Ash ❤ 3:58 pm> ok, I was joking.

<Ash ❤ 3:59 pm> I didn’t mean it

<Ash ❤ 4:00 pm> I actually love your cooking

<Ash ❤ 4:01 pm> babe?

<Ash ❤ 4:20 pm> EIJI?

_[calling]_

_[no response]_

 

_[PRIVATE MESSAGE]_

<MyBro 4:21 pm> SHORTER!!! I can’t find Eiji. He is not picking up!!!

<ThePrettyOne 4:21 pm> How you lose him every FREAKING day??

<ThePrettyOne 4:22 pm> Ash, he is literally sitting right in front of our place

<ThePrettyOne 4:23 pm> can you both stop

<ThePrettyOne 4:24 pm> tell him Max came with ice-cream

 

_[incoming call]_

> Stop right there. Don’t come closer!

< Eiji! Babe… I am sorry

> Continue.

< I am very sorry?

> Try harder.

< I love how you make salads for me.

> You said that porridge I made was disgusting!

< I thought you were in the bathroom when I said it!

> It doesn’t change the FACT that you gave it to Yut-Lung! Because you wanted to poison him!

< World would be a better place without him.

> Ash! We are not talking about that! I made that porridge with love!

< Your love is so strong, babe…

> … really? Well… I really love you… wait. No no no.

< You are everything I need, Eiji.

> You can’t change my mind.

< Thank you for existing, Eiji. I love every part of you. I love your eyes, your smile, I love that little birthmark on your right shoulder. I love your voice and your hands. I love when you laugh or just speak with me. Eiji… you are the reason why I want to be alive.

> You… you are just saying this… because I am mad…

< Is it working?

> Maybe… uh.

< Don’t cry, my love.

> I… I re-ally… ma-de… tha-t… porrid-ge… wi-th… l-ove… I… tri-ed…

< I know. But Yut-Lung ruined everything… he is an asshole. He wants us to fight.

> Rea-lly? Wha-t he did?

< It doesn’t matter. Nobody will separate us. Next time I will eat the porridge and he won’t stop me.

> Oh, Ash… I want to kiss you know.

< Yeah, let’s go to the hotel?

> For kissing?

< You never know how it will end.

> Probably.

_[call ended]_

 

_[GROUP CHAT]_

<Your_Sing’s_Slut 4:45 pm> I mean, I don’t care. BUT THE WHOLE STREET HEARD YOU TWO

<GoodBoi69 4:45 pm> But that’s so sweet tho

<Your_Sing’s_Slut 4:50 pm> what’s sweet about it?? That blond idiot used me!

<Your_Sing’s_Slut 4:51 pm> ME!

<MaxDad 4:53 pm> When they are coming back?

<LoveGuru 4:55 pm> Not soon. You can probably go home.

<MaxDad 4:56 pm> No! I am staying here until Eiji comes back and we decide about the party!

<LoveGuru 4:57 pm> That’s the spirit! You better find smth to do. Because it will take loooooong.

<Blanca 4:59 pm> I HAVE VODKA. BLANCA

<MaxDad 5:01 pm> No time wasting then

<LoveGuru 5:02 pm> Ash won’t be happy about it.

<LoveGuru 5:03 pm> I am also coming!

<LoveGuru 9:12 pm> Hey guys have you ever seen a BABY PIGEON???

<LoveGuru 9:13 pm> do they exist?? Or they are born as grown-up PIGEONS?

<LoveGuru 9:14 pm> ADULT PIGEONS

<LoveGuru 9:15 pm> Guys but you do realize that Spaghetti I just shredded lasagna??

<LoveGuru 9:16 pm> I don’t understand

<LoveGuru 9:17 pm> my life until now seems fake

<LoveGuru 9:18 pm> I MA SAD

<ASHU 9:22 pm> God… how drunk are you?

<MaxDad 9:23 pm> who drunk?

<GoodBoi69 9:24 pm> Blanca and Max are having some serious conversation in Russian

<ASHU 9:25 pm> But Max doesn’t know Russian?!

<GoodBoi69 9:26 pm> Exactly

<GoodBoi69 9:30 pm> Shorter just left to search for Baby pigeons.

<BabyEiji 9:31 pm> Wow! I also would like to see a baby pigeon!

<ASHU 9:32 pm> Eiji no.

<BabyEiji 9:32 pm> :<<<

<GoodBoi69 9:36 pm> but where Shorter could go?

<ASHU 9:37 pm> Pretty sure he went to McDonald's to grab Chicken Nuggets

<You_Sing’s_Slut 9:40 pm> I can’t believe I am living with alcoholics

<ASHU 9:41 pm> then… don’t live?

<ASHU 9:42 pm> all you literally do is eat, sleep and complain about life. And you are ugly.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 9:42 pm> That’s not true

<You_Sing’s_Slut 9:43 pm> There’s something I do a lot more often than any of those

<ASHU 9:44 pm> What can you possibly do more?

<GoodBoi69 9:45 pm> Meeeeeee

<GoodBoi69 9:45 pm> oh sorry, my hand slipped

<GoodBoi69 9:46 pm> I mean. Maybe we should go after Shorter?

<BabyEiji 9:47 pm> We are already on our way to McDolands!

<GoodBoi69 9:49 pm> btw Shorter ate your ice-cream

<BabyEiji 9:50 pm> we are turning back!

<GoodBoi69 9:51 pm> and you are very handsome, Yue. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 9:52 pm> I don’t. I know I am gorgeous.

<ASHU 9:53 pm> Your mirror is probably BROKEN.

<LoveGuru 9:55 pm> Hey… guys… I am eating this potato chip and thinking

<You_Sing’s_Slut 9:56 pm> That’s unusual

<LoveGuru 9:57 pm> If tomatoes are a fruit… is ketchup smoothie?

<LoveGuru 9:58 pm> and if I love ketchup and it is made from tomatoes... does it mean I love vegetables?

<GoodBoi69 9:59 pm> what? so tomatoes are fruits or vegetables? 

<LoveGuru 10:00 pm> I am having an existential crisis.

<LoveGuru 10:01 pm> this potato chip looks so sad…

<BabyEiji 11:30 pm> Okay! I have good news! Shorter is safe! Sleeping in his bed!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:31 pm> oh no…

<GoodBoi69 11:32 pm> We heard him singing

<GoodBoi69 11:33 pm> I want it that way

<GoodBoi69 11:35 pm> he always sings it when he is sad and makes others do same

<ASHU 11:36 pm> one time we almost got killed because of that

<BabyEiji 11:37 pm> HOW?

<ASHU 11:36 pm> Long story

<ASHU 11:37 pm> But we can’t go to Florida anymore

<ASHU 11:38 pm> it seems that Blanca and Max are still drinking

<BabyEiji 11:40 pm> I know! I am with them!

<BabyEiji 11:41 pm> Shorter also came!

<ASHU 11:41 pm> OMG EIJI I LITERALLY JUST WENT TO THE BATHROOM!

<GoodBoi69 11:42 pm> Lock the door, Yue.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:42 pm> There is no lock

<GoodBoi69 11:43 pm> then come to my room. I will protect you.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:44 pm> From what?

<GoodBoi69 11:45 pm> don’t worry we are not going there

 

_**Blanca** send a voice message_

Blanca> Three! Two! One!

Shorter> You are my fire

Max> The one desire

Blanca> Believe when I say

Ash> I want it that way

Eiji> TEEELL MEEEE WHYYYY

Chorus> Ain’t nothing but heartache

Eiji> TEELL ME WHYYYY

Chorus> Ain’t nothing but a mistake

Eiji> TEELL ME WHYYYY

Chorus> I never want to hear you say

Sing&Yue> I want it that way!!!!

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:
> 
> around 2 am still drinking:  
> Max: why is Eiji crying now?  
> Blanca: he just found out that Ash has a boyfriend,  
> Max: But they are dating each other!  
> Blanca: He is very drunk  
> Max: but he drank only juice tho  
> Blanca: oh
> 
>  
> 
> when they finally went to sleep around 3 am  
> Eiji: But do you think pigeons have feelings, Ash?  
> Ash: I'm going to give you one more chance to shut your beautiful mouth the hell up
> 
>  
> 
> idk what to say~~ don't hate me for this bullshit:ccccc  
> don't read just let this exist :>  
> fenk u


	5. Amusement park (1/2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> < LoveGuru 10:32 am > I’m getting ready!!
> 
> < BabyEiji 10:32 am > For wath?
> 
> < BabyEiji 10:32 am > *what
> 
> < LoveGuru 10:33 am > we are going to the amusement park!
> 
> < BabyEiji 10:35 am > Not today!!!
> 
> < BabyEiji 10:36 am > On Ibe’s birthday!
> 
> < LoveGuru 10:40 am > We need to try it ourselves first
> 
> < LoveGuru 10:41 am > you know for a research
> 
> < BabyEiji 10:42 am > oh, makes sense.

<BabyEiji 10:02 am> How is everyone after yesterday?

<BabyEiji 10:03 am> Ash is not okay

<ASHU 10:05 am> I'm just fine

<ASHU 10:06 am> don’t ruin my reputation

<LoveGuru 10:06 am> Man

<LoveGuru 10:07 am> after running around in your underwear

<LoveGuru 10:07 am> forget about the reputation

<ASHU 10:07 am> prove it

 **_LoveGuru_ ** _shared a picture_

<ASHU 10:08 am> delete it

<ASHU 10:09 am> right now.

<LoveGuru 10:10 am> Or else?:)

<ASHU 10:10 am> we gonna sort it out like men

<LoveGuru 10:11 am> what State are you choosing this time?:)

<ASHU 10:11 am> YOUR ASS!

<BabyEiji 10:11 am> ANYWAY!!!!!

<BabyEiji 10:11 am> I have bad and good news

<BabyEiji 10:12 am> so the bad news is

<GoodBoi69 10:12 am> stopped selling limited edition Sailor Moon figures, I know

<GoodBoi69 10:12 am> :((((((

<BabyEiji 10:12 am> what? Noooo

<You_Sing’s_Slut 10:12 am> Coffee machine is still broken?

<BabyEiji 10:13 am> What? Who broke it?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 10:14 am> YOU!!!

<BabyEiji 10:14 am> What? I didn’t…

<ASHU 10:14 am> Hey you, slut. Eiji would never break smth

<ASU 10:15 am> and even if he does. It’s your fault.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 10:15 am> HOW is this my fault??

<LoveGuru 10:16 am> Eiji, wanted to say something?

<BabyEIji 10:16 am> YES! Thank you, Shorter!

<BabyEIji 10:16 am> So, it seems that Ibe knows about the birthday party….

<LoveGuru 10:17 am> How? ;oooo

<BabyEIji 10:17 am> Max told him

<LoveGuru 10:18 am> @MaxDad man???

<MaxDad 10:19 am> It was an accident.

<LoveGuru 10:19 am> You know what happens now??

<MaxDad 10:20 am> We can’t make a surprise?

<LoveGuru 10:20 am> No… so much worse

<LoveGuru 10:20 am> Eiji

<LoveGuru 10:21 am> will

<LoveGuru 10:21 am> cry

<You_Sing’s_Slut 10:22 am> wait, it means that there is no reason for me to say in this idiotic chat!!

<ASHU 10:22 am> Bye

<LoveGuru 10:22 am> you won’t be missed

<BabyEiji 10:23 am> Wait! We still gonna do the party!!

<Baby Eiji 10:24 am> Ibe told me that he wants to go together to the amusement park!

<BabyEiji 10:25 am> so we still need to organize everything, buy present and so on

<BabyEiji 10:30 am> Hello?

<LoveGuru 10:32 am> I’m getting ready!!

<BabyEiji 10:32 am> For wath?

<BabyEiji 10:32 am> *what

<LoveGuru 10:33 am> we are going to the amusement park!

<BabyEiji 10:35 am> Not today!!!

<BabyEiji 10:36 am> On Ibe’s birthday!

<LoveGuru 10:40 am> We need to try it ourselves first

<LoveGuru 10:41 am> you know for a research

<BabyEiji 10:42 am> oh, makes sense. So we are going today?

<GoodBoi69 10:42 am> OH MY GAAAD YAAAS

<GoodBoi69 10:43 am> can’t wait to ride the new roller coaster!!

<GoodBoi69 10:44 am> I heard it’s very high!!

<You_Sing’s_Slut 10:45 am> Great, after that we can go to the horror house, asylum is the new edition.

<GoodBoi69 10:46 am> Hm… Yue, I think… we won’t have time for that…

<LoveGuru 10:46 am> Don’t worry, Yut-Lung gonna hold your hand

<You_Sing’s_Slut 10:47 am> Sing, you are scared… ???

<GoodBoi6910:48 am> Of course not!

<GoodBoi69 10:48 am> I just… don’t like when they make those noises…

<You_Sing’s_Slut 10:48 am> So you are scared

<GoodBoi69 10:48 am> NO!

<GoodBoi69 10:59 am> we’ll go there

<GoodBoi69 10:59 am> chill. No worries

<GoodBoi69 11:00 am> are there any vampires?

<LoveGuru 11:01 am> take another pair of pants just in case.

<BabyEIji 11:02 am> We should leave soon, is everybody ready? Ash says he might not go. He doesn’t feel well.

<LoveGuru 11:02 am> He just chickens out

<LoveGuru 11:02 am> My grandma had bigger balls than you, dude

<ASHU 11:03 am> pffff, what are you saying

<ASHU 11:04 am> I’m going

<BabyEiji 11:04 am> but your headache…? :<

<LoveGuru 11:04 am> headache lol

 

 

_[PRIVATE MESSAGE]_

<ThePrettyOne 11:02 am> does Eiji know?

<MyBro 11:02 am> don’t you dare to tell him

<MyBro 11:02 am> I mean it.

<MyBro 11:03 am> SHORTER

<MyBro 11:03 am> I’m ok

<ThePrettyOne 11:03 am> 8)

 

 

_[GROUP CHAT]_

<LoveGuru 11:05 am> We are going with Blanca’s car

<LoveGuru 11:05 am> He still doesn’t know it, but he gonna find out soon

 **_LoveGuru_ ** _started a group call_

 **_BabyEiji_ ** _joined the conversation_

 **_ASHU_ ** _joined the conversation_

 **_GoodBoi69_ ** _joined the conversation_

 **_You_Sing’s_Slut_ ** _joined the conversation_

 **_MaxDad_ ** _joined the conversation_

Shorter> Whereee is Blancaaaa? He doesn’t answeeeeer.

Max> He is with me at Walmart. He went to take something for a drink. I am guarding the cart.

Shorter> What? Why would anyone guard the shopping cart?

Ash> In Walmart?? It’s not like someone could steal it…

Shorter> Yeah, imagine… someone is passing by and he is like: ooooh, what a perfect grocery combination. Bread, vodka and jam… everything I need. Gonna steal this. Come here, babe. And he slowly takes your cart away.

Sing> Lol

Yue-Lung> I also think that it’s better to guard it.

Ash> And I think that the sky is beautiful. What is this? Some championship of unnecessary facts? Nobody cares what you think.

Shorter> Except Sing.

Eiji> Ash! It’s not nice! You might hurt Yut-Lung’s feels.

Ash> You wanna say he has any?

Shorter> BAM!

 **_You_Sing’s_Slut_ ** _left the conversation_

Eiji> You made him cry.

Shorter> YoU mAdE hiM cRy.

Ash> He can’t cry. Believe me.

 **_Blanca_ ** _joined the conversation_

Blanca> What is that? Again some secret conversation? Does anyone copy?

Shorter> Listen, Ojii-chan.

Blanca> Who?

Shorter> We need you to drive us to the amusement park in twenty minutes do you still have your Van?

Blanca> Yes, I do. You want to play games or what?

Sing> Waaait, Van? It will look like Blanca kidnaped us, if we all come out from the Van in front of the park!

Shorter> Don’t worry. Blanca’s Van is very modern.

Ash> There is a hotel.

Shorter> Restaurant.

Ash> Library.

Shorter> Supermarket.

Ash> And even an airport if you need to fly away from there.

Shorter> But I think you can get the same flying feeling from vodka that he has.

Ash> A fountain of vodka.

Eiji> Wait… all of this Blanca has in his car??

Ash> Don’t listen, love.

Sing> You are not fooling me! I know he doesn’t have a fountain of vodka!! It’s impossible! He would need a license for that!

Shorter> I want to laugh, but it’s not even funny anymore.

Blanca> I don’t know what are you talking about, but be ready in 15 minutes. Over.

Ash> YOU DON’T NEED TO SAY OVER!

Blanca> What?

 **_GoodBoi69_ ** _left the conversation_

 **_ASHU_ ** _left the conversation_

 **_BabyEiji_ ** _left the conversation_

Shorter> Blanca, please make a fountain of vodka. I just want to see Sing’s face.

Max> No way!

 **_LoveGuru_ ** _left the conversation_

Blanca> Hmm... was he joking or not? Because I could.

Max> He was joking!! For how much longer we can drink? Just come back now.

 **_MaxDad_ ** _left the conversation_

 **_Blanca_ ** _left the conversation_

_[GROUP CHAT]_

~~< GoodBoi69 11:20 am> Guys!! Do you know why Blanca takes his time before answering calls?~~

<BabyEiji 11:21 am> Why?

~~< GoodBoi69 11:21 am> He probably gets paranoid from our nicknames on the screen. ~~

~~< GoodBoi69 11:22 am> Like...Oh what a strange name…~~

~~< GoodBoi69 11:22am> ASHU… I wonder who might this be?~~

~~< GoodBoi69 11:23 am> Maybe someone from THAT gas station~~

~~< GoodBoi69 11:23 am> Where I stopped last week, only to drop out the corpse and go to the bathroom~~

~~< GoodBoi69 11:24 am> but haven’t buy anything… ugh, better not pick up~~

~~< GoodBoi69 11:25 am> Good one, right?~~

<LoveGuru 11:26 am> Sing, you have a death wish.

<GoodBoi69 11:27 am> Should I delete this???

<ASHU 11:27 am> Like… as soon as possible.

<BabyEIji 11:28 am> I don’t really understand what was just now. But Blanca is waiting for us outside.

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:31 am> I can’t come out.

<LoveGuru 11:32 am> For the love of Buddha. What else do you need, Yut-Lung?

<LoveGuru 11:32 am> we left the front door open!

<LoveGuru 11:33 am> and if you can’t come out it’s your fault

<LoveGuru 11:33 am> ‘cause door’s either open or close

<LoveGuru 11:34 am>  It’s maximum they can do

<LoveGuru 11:35 am> what else do you expect from them?

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:38 am> if you stopped being an idiot

<You_Sing’s_Slut 11:39 am> then let me tell you, that Ash locked me in the bathroom

<ASHU 11:40 am> I knew I had to take his phone…

<MaxDad 11:41 am> I swear to God, kids… you’ll be the reason for my death.

<BabyEiji 11:42 am> Can we just move?

<BabyEiji 11:42 am> And someone, open the door for Yut-Lung!

<LoveGuru 11:43 am> Angry Eiji is even worse than Blanca ;o

 

 

_[PRIVATE MESSAGE]_

<ThePrettyOne 12:20 pm> Hey, Ash… what Eiji is listening to?

<ThePrettyOne 12:21 pm> I can hear it even from the other side of the trunk.

<ThePrettyOne 12:22 pm> even if he is with earphones (???)

<MyBro 12:23 pm> Eiji likes death metal

<MyBro 12:24 pm> and when he is mad at me

<MyBro 12:24 pm> he always hums lyrics and makes the volume on max

<ThePrettyOne 12:25 pm> DEATH METAL??

<ThePrettyOne 12:25 pm> EIJI???

<ThePrettyOne 12:26 pm> Eiji singing about death and killings

<ThePrettyOne 12:26 pm> Are we still in the same universe?

< MyBro 12:27 pm> Honestly I’m afraid of summer

< MyBro 12:28 pm> because that’s when the music festivals start

< MyBro 12:30 pm> Eiji bought tickets for ALL metal concerts

<ThePrettyOne 12:31 pm> Well how many of them could be in our State?

<ThePrettyOne 12:31 pm> Three or four?

<MyBro 12:32 pm> in the state…

<MyBro 12:33 pm> more like… The U.S.A.

<MyBro12:33 pm> and he wants to participate in moshpits

<ThePrettyOne 12:34 pm> What’s that…?

<MyBro 12:35 pm> Man… I don’t even know where to start

<ThePrettyOne 12:36 pm> btw, is he mad because of Yut-Lung?

<MyBro 12:36 pm> yeah. I can’t fucking believe it

<ThePretyOne 12:37 pm> can you ask for Blanca to stop at the gas station?

<ThePrettyOne 12:38 pm> I reaaalllyyy need to the toilet

<MyBro 12:38 pm> Shorter?

<MyBro 12:38 pm> Are you scared of Blanca or smth?

 

 

_[PRIVATE MESSAGE]_

<ChikenSoup 12:58 pm> Shorter wtf?

<ChikenSoup 12:59 pm> Where you disappeared?

<MyIdol 13:00 pm> Sing, you know when in public bathrooms

<MyIdol 13:00 pm> there are these automatic taps?

<MyIdol 13:01 pm> AND THEY WON'T WORK?

<MyIdol 13:01 pm> From the side you look like a shitty wizard, trying to cast magic

<MyIdol 13:02 pm> you just keep doing those dumb moves with your hands…

<ChikenSoup 13:04 pm> Can you come back or not??

<MyIdol 13:04 pm> Yeah yeah…

<MyIdol 13:05 pm> gonna dry my hands into jeans 'cause there is the same situation with fan

 **_LoveGuru_ ** _renamed the group to_ **_Amusement park's gang_**

****

<BabyEiji 14:01 pm> We lost you guys!

<BabyEiji 14:02 pm> But we with Ash are going to the highest roller coaster

<BabyEiji 14:03 pm> Let us know if you wanna join!

<LoveGuru 14:05 pm> I am working on YueSing date

<LoveGuru 14:05 pm> So, maybe later

<BabyEiji 14:06 pm> What’s the idea?

<LoveGuru 14:08 pm> Btw is Ash ok?

<BabyEiji 14:09 pm> Seems so, why?

<BabyEiji 14:15 pm> @Blanca@MaxDad

<BabyEiji 14:15 pm> Will you join us?

<BabyEiji 14:20 pm> oh, nevermind

<BabyEiji 14:20 pm> we are about to ride!!

<BabyEiji 14:21 pm> I’m so excited!

 

 

_[incoming call]_

> Eiji! What’s up?

< Shorter, are you busy…?

> I’m in Bumper Cars, chasing after Yut-Lung. I’m about to kill him, but he keeps running.

< I thought you wanted to arrange the date for Sing and Yut-Lung?

>Yeah, but I couldn’t miss the chance. TAKE THAT, YOU SLUT!

< Huh… yeah, don’t want to disturb the fun or anything, but it’s about Ash…

> What?

< Well, during the ride he didn’t make any noise, even if we fell down from very high… and I thought that he doesn’t like it. We stopped, but Ash still didn’t move. He keeps holding on the seat and staring at one spot. Everyone tried to move him… but he is like a statue. They are about to call the ambulance.

> Oh right, Ash is afraid to ride high or fast roller coasters.

< Why nobody told me that?? Is that the reason why he didn’t want to come to the amusement park?

> I told him to tell you. The only thing Ash can handle is Merry-Go-Round or something similar to it.

< Shorter heeeeelp.

> Don’t cry, Eiji, I’m on my way already. Try slapping his face,

< I’m not slapping my boyfriend!

> I need to find a way through people in the line. I’m sorry! I didn’t touch your boob! My friend is in fucking comma!! Oh, God… I don’t care about this. I didn’t touch your girlfriend!!

< I can softly punch him though… ugh! I did it! I’m sorry, Ash… Shorter where are you? Shorter???

> I would rather make a drug deals than this! Give me a few more minutes.

< They are about to let the ride again with him sitting inside!!

< Yeah, okay… I mean, not okay. Let me through I’m a priest! Someone needs a blessing before this devilish ride! Eiji, jump on the road and hold it.

> Whaaaat???

_[call ended]_

 

 

<Blanca 14:45 pm> ASH, WHY ARE YOU GOING TO THE ROLLER COASTER???

<Blanca 14:48 pm> I THOUGHT YOU ARE AFRAID OF THEM??

<Blanca 14:49 pm> BLANCA.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha lol not  
> Let's save it for another time all the fun in the park. gonna be hell yes, heavens no or purgatory maybe
> 
>  
> 
> oh, thank you for my friend in crime @rainphones (on Twitter) for the idea of Eiji listening to Death Metal. Lol. love it. He is pure
> 
> fenk u :>

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr for fanfics: [vitavilifics](https://vitavilifics.tumblr.com/)  
> Main Tumblr: [vitavilichan](https://vitavilichan.tumblr.com/)


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